Breaking the Silence “3 of 3”

The thick door thundered violently, announcing the beginning of a cruel isolation. His elbows were free again, but he was tied up with darkness. Standing in the middle of nowhere, he stretched his hands and moved them in every direction. His eyes scattered into pieces. His hands found nothing to touch and his eyes met no gaze but darkness. That’s it. He was locked up forever. This dark room was made for those who became forgotten, and he is now abandoned. His ears longed for nothing but a sound to hear, but there wasn’t anything at all. He was abandoned; his senses left him to suffer alone, and only his blood remained faithful to him as it marched through his head like an army determined to crash every obstacle on the way.

Her face flashed in head and he screamed. His eyes dug the surrounding darkness for any ray of light, but it was too dark even for hope to exist. He screamed. His knees went weak on him and he fell down.

Suddenly, he parted up from the floor and listened carefully. Soft humming carried his name along and a far ray of light came to life. That was not the hope he waited for. The ray of light grew bigger while it approached him. It carried a face, a loving angry face. Oh, he missed her so much, he felt. But something was not right. Those were not her eyes that sprinted with joy. Those were the eyes she wore when he gifted her the way out of life. Those lips were mumbling, and he couldn’t understand them just like the mumbling he didn’t understand when he helped her depart from this life. Those lips were moving fast, they pleaded him to understand. His heart went silent when that face moved toward the door. The face was telling him something and he couldn’t understand. He ran after it, but it disappeared without a trail to follow. He called her name, he shouted, and he yelled but she was gone again. “Let me out” he begged. “Grant me light” he cried. “I loved her” his tears splashed on the palm of his trembling hands. “She wanted to go away, to leave” his odd voice betrayed his sudden silence. His tears went dry, his palms wiped agony away from his face as he stood up and started to run. He must get out, he must leave this place, and he must go beg her for forgiveness. He ran and bumped into a wall that sent him back to the floor. He got up and ran again only for his heart to touch the floor beneath. He lost his mind. He got up and ran again. The sweetness of his blood tasted bitter when merged with agony. And he ran again and again until his strength surrendered to the floor and forced him to swallow his defeat. He couldn’t explain it, but darkness was getting darker, the room was spinning, his lips were mumbling, and his body was struggling. His ears failed to warn him, the door was opened, and the guards dressed in white came to him. They dressed him in white while denying him the sleeves and carried him away out of the white room that hosted him on its floor.

His eyes panicked and refused the sudden disturbing light in the passage; only to grow wide at the site of her crying eyes next to his mother’s bleeding eyes. The line that connected his confused gaze with their cries stretched until it broke when she hugged his mother and cried with pain as they took him to depart alone.

Breaking the Silence “2 of 3”

He was running, looking back every now and then, falling down, getting up, and running faster. Every breath he took called the next one so fast, he barely breathed enough.

He opened his eyes to find himself in his bed, sweat drew maps on his face, and his bed was shaking in harmony with his trembling body. And then he calmed down, convincing himself that this nightmare will not be a sign of a bad day. It was just a reflection of what he witnessed back then. He closed his eyes, remembering every detail he absorbed. A lot of details, scattered here and there like a field that is barely hosting few bundles of flowers here and there.

On that couch was the gun. On that table was the brief note she left. On that carpet was her blood, coloring the carpet with years of a life that ended on a desperate moment. She wanted her suffering to end, he gave her a hand in that, but she left this world for good, and she will not be able to return the favor. That left him no choice. He must disappear. That note was enough to clear him out in front of everyone, but not himself. He helped her out in this, and he was only helping. He couldn’t deny her an end of suffering.

Picking his scattered pride and fear, he left the room silently and started to walk back home. He must hide his feelings, and act like he never committed her suicide.

Getting out of bed and opening the door to leave his room was to him like abandoning his fortified castle and facing the unknown, but he was embraced with the warmth of his mother’s eyes. That pained him so much. What if something happened and his actions were exposed? How would he meet the disappointment in those loving eyes? No one would ever imagine how hard he wanted to be a child again, to throw his head in his mother’s lap and cry his fear out.

A hard knock on the door moved his heart from its place. He wanted to scream, but the choke of his throat prevented him from pleading his mother not to answer that knock. And it was too late. They came in, running, as if he was a bird that needed to be captured before it flew away. His strength betrayed him, his body was carried by the harsh hands of those guards. Terror overwhelmed his body, prevented him from hosting the pain of being thrown in that iron-fenced vehicle. He stared through the iron bars, and the line that connected his sight to his mother’s started to stretch as the vehicle moved. Only her screams kept his company at first, then it was only the roaring of the vehicle that carried captivity on its back wherever it went. His house kept on growing smaller and smaller until it faded away. That made him alone and surrounded by guardians of fear.

Like an ignorant sheep being taken to slaughter, he was directed through the dark alleys only to sit on a cold iron chair and facing a man wearing a frown that carried all the cruelty of the world. This frown was the crown of two bright eyes that couldn’t be any darker. Those eyes demanded one thing. Only one thing. A confession…

Breaking the Silence “1 of 3”

They asked him to confess…

He grouped his fingers together, tightened his shoulders, and ducked his head. What do they want him to confess about? He didn’t know. Searching the roof corners for an answer, he opened his mouth, but words didn’t come out. They thought he was stalling and he thought they were pressuring him. “Lock him up” a scream exploded in the cold room, with anger radiating more than a nuclear bomb does. Two guards grabbed his elbows and buried him inside the four walls. He tried so hard to wake up, but it wasn’t a nightmare. It was a reality that tasted more bitter than pain itself. The cruel iron wall screamed before blending in with the walls. He roamed the room, chose the wall that faced the failing attempt of what they called a window. There was still some daylight. If they finished with him early, he can manage to go back home and pretend nothing had happened. No one would know about this, only if he got out on time.

They called him back again. The screamed harder this time, as if it hated being apart from the walls. As if it wanted his company for ever. Grabbed by his elbows again, he ducked his head, and threw his tears down as he walked forward. Maybe he will follow them back to his cell.

They sat him on that naked iron chair. IT was as hard and cold as the eyes of the one who was waiting for him to confess. His lips refused to split up, his voice denied his authority and left him to suffer alone. They waited for his words to come out, and waited for the confession. His eyes focused on the floor under his feet, he folded his hands and sighed. They sighed back. The man with the hard voice got up from his chair, and left the room. That was not a good sign. He didn’t order his men to take him back to his cell, then why is he being grabbed by his elbows again and again???

There was the last drop of tears that he left on the floor. Why then were they taking him? That passage was dark, too dark, but his eyes embraced the darkness, only to make it worse. That passage ended with a door. An iron thick door, that looked like it was made only to open once for every soul coming through. They stopped. One of the guards moved forward, worked his hands thoroughly, and with massive strength, the door finally opened. The darkness inside was darker than all the black ideas that took shelter in his head. The guard that opened the door retreated quickly, and the one next to him pushed him forward. As if the guards feared that door as well. As if that door saved severe agony behind it, only to serve it to its unique trembling guests.

He was pushed harder, and forward until they threw him inside. This door screamed as well. Screamed louder and harder than any agonizing wound. The door united with the walls, thundering a slam like no other. It was silence that conquered his ears inside, only to be disturbed by his rapid heartbeats and consecutive attempts to breath. The passage was empty. The thick door was peaceful, stable and strong enough to terminate every and any voice attempting to break the silence…

Night Feelings

Photo taken by me @Waelboy

It was late when he decided to call it a night. Thunder outside drove him mad. To him, it was like the end of the world. He decided to hide, to run away from that irritating feeling. Tucking himself in his bed was the most treasured thing he ever did. He is safe now, shielded and armed with wool covers. The heart is sheltered with peace. The clock is ticking, but sleep was away for this night. He had feelings to spill, and so, he grabbed his papers and the pen resting on them and triggered his mind for writing. Where did all the ideas go? They were buzzing all over his head. Did they hide? Did they leave? Or simply, they died? There weren’t any urge in him to dig them out, so he surrendered his papers to their prior refuge. What is wrong with him tonight? He wondered. This is emptiness in him, and he didnt have any ideas to write, so he decided to read.

As people scream out their true nature, his books did the same. They were his loyal companions. What he didn’t know, was that his night was a very important phase in his life. It is the night where his life will change forever.
He couldn’t read, the pages were blank to his eyes. Despair claimed authority of his heart, and his life rolled like a short movie in his head. “When will this still life end”? That’s it! The end. The end is what only matters now. He bumped out of his bed, opened the door of his balcony, climbed the iron fence surrounding it, spread his hands in the air, and got ready to jump.
His legs mesmerized in their place, his heart thundered faster than raindrops and louder than the noise around, but the raindrops were magical. They washed despair out of his system. He felt confused, betrayed and peaceful. Confused by joy, betrayed by emptiness, and peaceful by embracing hope that will lead him to a life where ambitions floated all over. He must be a different person now, he must make a difference. If it wasn’t for the world, it would be for his little lame life…

And the Curtain Falls

A tear struggled it’s way out of his eye, but a painful scream remained within. Doctors predicted the end of his days close, yet he felt the curtain going down sooner, today!

Trying to burry his urge to bleed his tears out, a stronger will came to life. He must leave this ship with dignity, with his head up high, and with a moment that can’t be more peaceful.

Before, he embraced peace coming within the marching breezes and took it for granted. But they were never precious moments when his life was a fact, not a possibility. Things change, turn upside down, and never remain the same. With a strong will, he packed what remained of his murdered smile and wasted his precious trembling steps to have his last cup of joyful coffee. His ultimate pleasure must be earned one more time for the last time!

Arriving to the paved entrance, he wished that standing still would push time away from him, maybe the end won’t come this soon. But that knot residing in his through made it hard to have such a hope. It was coming, he felt it. Few more steps and he was inside the usual restaurant, his daily jar of thoughts and sorrows. He looked left, at his usual table, but it seemed gloomy. He regrets now always postponing that argument for the other table before the window. But, what’s special about it. He went to balcony, hoping that the bar with the sea view has an empty seat. And it had, lucky him. Ordering a rich cup of coffee, he slid into the chair and put his pack of cigarettes on the bar. The memory of his first cigarette flashed in his mind like crystal. Oh, how close that past is now. He is still young, yet he is leaving soon.

The waiter came! Wearing that usual robotic smile, he laid the cup of coffee in front of him. It has a rich foam on top! Has it always been like this, or it’s his mind playing passion games on him now? Oh, it’s close, and getting closer every second.

With a trembling hand, he reached his pack of cigarettes , opened it roughly, and with his sweaty fingers he tried hardly to pick a cigarette out of the pack. At that moment, a lady came in, looked around until her eyes had their rest at his side. The smile on her face was taken away with a frown. She called the waiter pointing her fingers toward him. The waiter went to his chair, put a hand on his shoulder and asked him about the reason he slept. It was a full minute before everyone realized the truth. The end has come, taking his life away and leaving that rich cup of coffee untouched…

A Mistake

Hard floor under his back, extreme darkness surrounded him as he was not sure if his eyes were open. He focused for a second, tried to remember why is he lying on the floor, but nothing came to his troubled mind. Moved his hands around, waved them up above, but nothing was there. He got up on his knees, tapping his hands on the cold floor to make a way and suddenly, light flashed all over the place. He tried to cover his eyes with his elbow, waited for a minute so his eyes could get used to the light, and opened them to have a look around.

He was in a room of white and smooth walls. But something was missing. With a frown conquering his crumbled face, he searched thoroughly for the door of this room, but there wasn’t any. There wasn’t even a window. To his amazement, light came from nowhere. It was just there filling the creepy room. Putting his thumb and two other fingers, he squeezed his forehead trying to summon reasonable answers. How did he get in here? Why? When? And even where is he? But these were questions he couldn’t answer. Black visions roamed his head.

Reaching the more static questions, panic was taking place. Who is he? Who was he? What is he turning into? Only the echo of his questions thundered in his head. He doesn’t remember existing before. He doesn’t have whatsoever knowledge. An empty vessel worth nothing to fill it with. He must escape this nothingness and get out to existence. But fear is taking over. What will be waiting for him out there? What should he expect to find? Starting to exist? There might not be any place for him to fit in. With the drums of these thoughts, a squared crack started to paint itself on one of the walls.

But, no! He will not escape. He must stay and maybe fade away. At this very thought, the walls started to dissolve. The floor turned into millions of pixels and his balance was running away from him. He is falling down. No, he is not falling, he is fading away. Darkness is eating him, swallowing him into a deeper level. Maybe it is too late to fight it now. His last thought turned into dust, scattered in chaos, and it was only darkness again.

Whispers

Photo taken by me @Waelboy

Whispers were her only friend. Whispers came to her every time she slept, begging her to wake up. Whispers came to her every time she woke up, pushed her out of bed. Whispers came to her every time she got up, driving her blindly to the window. Whispers were her only friend. Whispers only came to her, and only she obeyed them. She never understood the reasons that dragged her to the window. To stand still, contemplate the outside, focus on that window in the house facing hers.

That window was the center of her attention. The center of her attraction. The shelter of her buzzing thoughts. And, the destiny of her traveling sight. Away from that window, loneliness manipulated her, drove her back to stand still and contemplate that window. It was the feeling of someone on the other side, standing still, contemplating her window. It was the feeling of someone on the other side that mesmerized her thoughts, her feelings, and her heart.

No… No, no… It was not the window. It was that dark slide that captured her breaths. Hope lied there. Hope hid there. She was never lonely while invading that darkness with her eyes. It was hope that gave strength to her perishing heart. That slightly open window was the reason of her survival. One day, the last piece of her puzzled heart will take its place. Whoever was there, whoever hid behind that darkness was the reason of her whispers, the reason of her circulated life, and the reason of her moments going by.
She must not surrender. She must not let desperation grow in her heart. She must not strangle her life with a rope, connecting her to that window, to that darkness, and maybe to that fading away hope. And she must not… fade away.