بين الحب والنعاس

man playing saxophone

لي في صوتك بحَة، تترنّم بها وتطربني.

لي في قلبك طرقة، تنهمر بها علي وتنعشني.

ولي في نبضك ومضة، يطيب لي فيها السكون والزوال.

أزول، أذوب، أندمج واتماهى مع ارتخاء صوتك وتنهّداتك، ثم تقذفني إلى أبعد مدى، لأحلّق في فضائك طيرًا غرّيدًا وطريدةً لملذّاتك. أغرفُ من حياتي البقايا لألقيها أمامك كعصفورةٍ أم وجدت لصغارها طعامًا يزرع في قلبهم حبًّا أكبر من الحُب.

إبحث عنّي في تلك الزوايا، حيث ركنت حياتك وأحذيتك. إخلع مشاعرك عنك وعلّقها مع الثياب وشخصياتك. واستحمَّ بسيلٍ من عاطفةٍ وحُب، ثم ارخِ جسدك المنهك بين ذراعي، لأطيرَ بك فرِحًا، وأزهو بك بين أشعار الحب والقصائد. سأدلّ عليك وأقولُ أنتَ الأجمل.

أنت الأجمل من أبلغ القصائد، أنت الأقرب من أحبّ الكلمات وأنت الأكمل من كل النهايات. أنت البدايات وما قبل المقدِّمات، وأنت المضمون والجوهر في قلبي وفِي هذه الحياة. وما هي الحياة إن لم تبدأ برفّةٍ من جفنيك، وتنهيدةٍ هاربةٍ من شفتيك. ما الحياة إن لم تكن أنت فحواها ومحورها. وما هي الحياة إن لم تنظر إليّ وتقول أنتَ الأجمل.

أنتَ الأجمل وأنا بك أجمل. أنت الأعمق وأنا بك مستقرّ. أنت الأصدقوأنا بك أوضح.

*****

مشواري

من اول ما شفتك صار عندي إدمان
هرب نومي وقضيت شهوري سهران
يا حيف عالدني ما نفعت مراسيلي
لا انت رحمتي ولا هديتيني الحنان

شافوني معذب قالوا صارلو زمان
هالعاشق ما ارتاح من كتر الحرمان
زيارة طبيب كبيرهم بالفهم نصحني
وترك بإيدي ورقة مكتوب فيها عنوان

لا طبيب نفع ولا كل وصفات الإنسان
واليأس بقلبي زرع بذرة تربى بأمان
رحلة طويلة جديدهم بالعمر شرحلي
بتخلص بقمة جبل أبعد من كل الوديان

جبيني بعزم رفعت وبقوة وعنفوان
ورسمك بقلبي الي دليل وترجمان
ووصيت دموعي حولك تبقى بدالي
خادم امين يحرس بغيابي المكان

بتعب مضني وصلت آخر هالجنان
وبين وراق الزنبق وزهور الرمان
زهرة غريبة رسمت نهاية ببالي
ما بيشفيني الا ابقى الك عشقان

And the Curtain Falls

A tear struggled it’s way out of his eye, but a painful scream remained within. Doctors predicted the end of his days close, yet he felt the curtain going down sooner, today!

Trying to burry his urge to bleed his tears out, a stronger will came to life. He must leave this ship with dignity, with his head up high, and with a moment that can’t be more peaceful.

Before, he embraced peace coming within the marching breezes and took it for granted. But they were never precious moments when his life was a fact, not a possibility. Things change, turn upside down, and never remain the same. With a strong will, he packed what remained of his murdered smile and wasted his precious trembling steps to have his last cup of joyful coffee. His ultimate pleasure must be earned one more time for the last time!

Arriving to the paved entrance, he wished that standing still would push time away from him, maybe the end won’t come this soon. But that knot residing in his through made it hard to have such a hope. It was coming, he felt it. Few more steps and he was inside the usual restaurant, his daily jar of thoughts and sorrows. He looked left, at his usual table, but it seemed gloomy. He regrets now always postponing that argument for the other table before the window. But, what’s special about it. He went to balcony, hoping that the bar with the sea view has an empty seat. And it had, lucky him. Ordering a rich cup of coffee, he slid into the chair and put his pack of cigarettes on the bar. The memory of his first cigarette flashed in his mind like crystal. Oh, how close that past is now. He is still young, yet he is leaving soon.

The waiter came! Wearing that usual robotic smile, he laid the cup of coffee in front of him. It has a rich foam on top! Has it always been like this, or it’s his mind playing passion games on him now? Oh, it’s close, and getting closer every second.

With a trembling hand, he reached his pack of cigarettes , opened it roughly, and with his sweaty fingers he tried hardly to pick a cigarette out of the pack. At that moment, a lady came in, looked around until her eyes had their rest at his side. The smile on her face was taken away with a frown. She called the waiter pointing her fingers toward him. The waiter went to his chair, put a hand on his shoulder and asked him about the reason he slept. It was a full minute before everyone realized the truth. The end has come, taking his life away and leaving that rich cup of coffee untouched…

Whispers

Photo taken by me @Waelboy

Whispers were her only friend. Whispers came to her every time she slept, begging her to wake up. Whispers came to her every time she woke up, pushed her out of bed. Whispers came to her every time she got up, driving her blindly to the window. Whispers were her only friend. Whispers only came to her, and only she obeyed them. She never understood the reasons that dragged her to the window. To stand still, contemplate the outside, focus on that window in the house facing hers.

That window was the center of her attention. The center of her attraction. The shelter of her buzzing thoughts. And, the destiny of her traveling sight. Away from that window, loneliness manipulated her, drove her back to stand still and contemplate that window. It was the feeling of someone on the other side, standing still, contemplating her window. It was the feeling of someone on the other side that mesmerized her thoughts, her feelings, and her heart.

No… No, no… It was not the window. It was that dark slide that captured her breaths. Hope lied there. Hope hid there. She was never lonely while invading that darkness with her eyes. It was hope that gave strength to her perishing heart. That slightly open window was the reason of her survival. One day, the last piece of her puzzled heart will take its place. Whoever was there, whoever hid behind that darkness was the reason of her whispers, the reason of her circulated life, and the reason of her moments going by.
She must not surrender. She must not let desperation grow in her heart. She must not strangle her life with a rope, connecting her to that window, to that darkness, and maybe to that fading away hope. And she must not… fade away.

Midnight Struggle

Photo taken by me @Waelboy

It was after midnight when sleep suddenly fled out of his eyes. It was after that when he traveled all over his bed to find the perfect spot where sleep resided. It was then when he surrendered to the urge of going up and writing. He must write the guilt and shame out of his heart. He squeezed his eyes one last time; maybe sleep will get in and finally rest. But, all was in vain, and he must explain.

Grabbing the papers and the pen resting on them was a hard decision to make. But the remorse storming inside of him must be sent away. If he is going to write, how should he address her? Dear Beloved? She was never a beloved. She didn’t take his breath away. She didn’t make his heart beat faster. In fact, she almost slowed it down, he thought.

Dear friend? The plan was to fall in love. He wanted her to be the one that will fit in that empty frame carried in his heart, he thought.

No, she was not the one. But yet, she turned his life upside down. The memories of all who came before her bumped in his head. To leave him, they were always right. And by them, he was always left. Why did this one stay? Was she that desperate? Or, was he that good? Oh, yes, he remembers. He was that good. Good in lies that is. Pretending to be perfect, claiming morals he never had before, and radiating the honor he always desired. He didn’t break her heart for her sake. No, he remembers now, it was for his sake. But breaking her was breaking his pride, was crashing his ego, and was turning him from the usual victim into the perfect slayer. And for that, he must not ignite the flame he put out. He must not break her again.

He must go back to sleep, and find the lost peace that he had once before.