بين الحب والنعاس

man playing saxophone

لي في صوتك بحَة، تترنّم بها وتطربني.

لي في قلبك طرقة، تنهمر بها علي وتنعشني.

ولي في نبضك ومضة، يطيب لي فيها السكون والزوال.

أزول، أذوب، أندمج واتماهى مع ارتخاء صوتك وتنهّداتك، ثم تقذفني إلى أبعد مدى، لأحلّق في فضائك طيرًا غرّيدًا وطريدةً لملذّاتك. أغرفُ من حياتي البقايا لألقيها أمامك كعصفورةٍ أم وجدت لصغارها طعامًا يزرع في قلبهم حبًّا أكبر من الحُب.

إبحث عنّي في تلك الزوايا، حيث ركنت حياتك وأحذيتك. إخلع مشاعرك عنك وعلّقها مع الثياب وشخصياتك. واستحمَّ بسيلٍ من عاطفةٍ وحُب، ثم ارخِ جسدك المنهك بين ذراعي، لأطيرَ بك فرِحًا، وأزهو بك بين أشعار الحب والقصائد. سأدلّ عليك وأقولُ أنتَ الأجمل.

أنت الأجمل من أبلغ القصائد، أنت الأقرب من أحبّ الكلمات وأنت الأكمل من كل النهايات. أنت البدايات وما قبل المقدِّمات، وأنت المضمون والجوهر في قلبي وفِي هذه الحياة. وما هي الحياة إن لم تبدأ برفّةٍ من جفنيك، وتنهيدةٍ هاربةٍ من شفتيك. ما الحياة إن لم تكن أنت فحواها ومحورها. وما هي الحياة إن لم تنظر إليّ وتقول أنتَ الأجمل.

أنتَ الأجمل وأنا بك أجمل. أنت الأعمق وأنا بك مستقرّ. أنت الأصدقوأنا بك أوضح.

*****

اشتياق

لم يعد لديّ ما يكفي من الكلمات. ضاقت بيّ معاجمي وهربت منّي المرادفات. لم تكن الكلمات تعني لي شيئًا من قبل، ولكنّي في مسارِ حبّك تائه ونفذت منّي العبارات. كيف أعبّرُ لك عن حبّي وحروفي باتت متكررة؟ أضّادي باتت مستهلكة وجُمَلي أمست ناقصة.

سأخترعُ لغةً بين قلبي وقلبك، وصلًا ووصالًا، بين عيني وعينك وبين روحي وروحك. أتذْكرُ حبيّ اليافع في ما مضى؟ أتذْكرُ كم كان صغير العمرِ كبيرَ الشأنِ حينها؟ والآن، بتُ أنا صغيرَ الشأن أمام حبٍ تملّكني وامتدّ عبري ليشمل الكون والعمر معًا. والآن، سأكبرُ في حبّك وأقرعُ طبول الحرب قبل كل قُبلة وبعد كل لقاء. فأنت لي وأنا لك. أنت عطشي وارتوائي معًا، قِدَمي في العمر وحداثتي في الحب معًا. أنت شأني الذي يعلو بعُلوّك وقامتي تصبو إلى الغيم بجوارك. وما جواري إلّا ملاذي ومسكني، مسرح تخيُّلاتي وموطئ دموعي. وما جواري إلّا قلبٌ قدّم الحياة بمعنىً آخر ومسار جديد.

كيف أنبذُ عمرًا تجمّل بلحظاتك؟ كيف أنبذُ حُبًّا بكلماتي الباهتة وأقلامي البالية؟

سأظلُّ أحاول وسأبقى باحثًا عن كل معنى جديد لأضيفه إلى صفاتك وأُصنّفه بحسب ابتساماتك. وسأبقى أنا في ركن قلبك قابعًا في سكون، مترقبًا وحارسًا، عاشقًا وحبيبًا وعمرًا سيمضي بك وبي معًا، كحبيبان يتشاركان قلبًا واحدًا.

When She Smiled

When she smiled, his whole life smiled back. She meant the whole world to him, but he never knew why! She was his dream girl, and she dreamt a lot. He rolled back in time remembering when he first met her…

A girl walking on the road wearing a fabulous smile. She smiled at everyone, she smiled at him and that’s when he fell for her. Why did she smile that much? How happy was she to smile? That night barely had its minutes rolling. He searched for sleep among all the questions roaring about her in his head, but the roaring was much louder. He barely noticed the alarming agreement between sun rays and morning light to sneak into his room. That day was never like any other day that passed before, it was the day to start with a shiny smile. The idea was enough to dust the night off his eyes, and get ready to meet that fascinating smile.

His foot steps were uncertain, his heart almost stayed behind, but only his determination went along for this curious adventure. The bus stop was near and empty. Had she passed by already? No, his world deserved a smile that day and he was good enough to earn such a loving smile. He arrived early and time conspired with its own moments to pass slower than ever…

Steady footsteps came from behind, and he smiled. He turned back to welcome the queen of his smiling world, but he was mistaken. Those steps were the company of a young man disturbing his world. Suddenly, steps started to pay his surrounding more frequent visits. There was an old lady passing with her slow footsteps, that was the young student sliding his bag behind him, and there she came. Her smile was more shiny than the bright sun. Her eyes mesmerized him, his determination took over control of his legs, and he waited for her to reach him. She looked at him, her eyes questioning and her smiling more persistent…

His words choked in his throat, and he couldn’t speak. He only stared and focused on her smile. He tried so hard to speak, but his lips were as if stapled with silence. She waited for a moment, but he never spoke, then she left.

When she left, she took his smile with her. He never smiled again, and she never knew what was going on.

He, also, never knew that her smile resided only on her lips and not in her heart. He never knew that she will be leaving this life soon, and all that she wanted was to be remembered with a smile. She was hoping that her smile would reach a writer someday, and that writer would be fascinated by that smile. It would conquer his heart and his mind. And he would finally write about it in one of his writings.

She never knew if her goal was ever achieved.
She never knew if her smile was the center of a bunch of words.
She never knew if she will be remembered or not…

Night Feelings

Photo taken by me @Waelboy

It was late when he decided to call it a night. Thunder outside drove him mad. To him, it was like the end of the world. He decided to hide, to run away from that irritating feeling. Tucking himself in his bed was the most treasured thing he ever did. He is safe now, shielded and armed with wool covers. The heart is sheltered with peace. The clock is ticking, but sleep was away for this night. He had feelings to spill, and so, he grabbed his papers and the pen resting on them and triggered his mind for writing. Where did all the ideas go? They were buzzing all over his head. Did they hide? Did they leave? Or simply, they died? There weren’t any urge in him to dig them out, so he surrendered his papers to their prior refuge. What is wrong with him tonight? He wondered. This is emptiness in him, and he didnt have any ideas to write, so he decided to read.

As people scream out their true nature, his books did the same. They were his loyal companions. What he didn’t know, was that his night was a very important phase in his life. It is the night where his life will change forever.
He couldn’t read, the pages were blank to his eyes. Despair claimed authority of his heart, and his life rolled like a short movie in his head. “When will this still life end”? That’s it! The end. The end is what only matters now. He bumped out of his bed, opened the door of his balcony, climbed the iron fence surrounding it, spread his hands in the air, and got ready to jump.
His legs mesmerized in their place, his heart thundered faster than raindrops and louder than the noise around, but the raindrops were magical. They washed despair out of his system. He felt confused, betrayed and peaceful. Confused by joy, betrayed by emptiness, and peaceful by embracing hope that will lead him to a life where ambitions floated all over. He must be a different person now, he must make a difference. If it wasn’t for the world, it would be for his little lame life…

And the Curtain Falls

A tear struggled it’s way out of his eye, but a painful scream remained within. Doctors predicted the end of his days close, yet he felt the curtain going down sooner, today!

Trying to burry his urge to bleed his tears out, a stronger will came to life. He must leave this ship with dignity, with his head up high, and with a moment that can’t be more peaceful.

Before, he embraced peace coming within the marching breezes and took it for granted. But they were never precious moments when his life was a fact, not a possibility. Things change, turn upside down, and never remain the same. With a strong will, he packed what remained of his murdered smile and wasted his precious trembling steps to have his last cup of joyful coffee. His ultimate pleasure must be earned one more time for the last time!

Arriving to the paved entrance, he wished that standing still would push time away from him, maybe the end won’t come this soon. But that knot residing in his through made it hard to have such a hope. It was coming, he felt it. Few more steps and he was inside the usual restaurant, his daily jar of thoughts and sorrows. He looked left, at his usual table, but it seemed gloomy. He regrets now always postponing that argument for the other table before the window. But, what’s special about it. He went to balcony, hoping that the bar with the sea view has an empty seat. And it had, lucky him. Ordering a rich cup of coffee, he slid into the chair and put his pack of cigarettes on the bar. The memory of his first cigarette flashed in his mind like crystal. Oh, how close that past is now. He is still young, yet he is leaving soon.

The waiter came! Wearing that usual robotic smile, he laid the cup of coffee in front of him. It has a rich foam on top! Has it always been like this, or it’s his mind playing passion games on him now? Oh, it’s close, and getting closer every second.

With a trembling hand, he reached his pack of cigarettes , opened it roughly, and with his sweaty fingers he tried hardly to pick a cigarette out of the pack. At that moment, a lady came in, looked around until her eyes had their rest at his side. The smile on her face was taken away with a frown. She called the waiter pointing her fingers toward him. The waiter went to his chair, put a hand on his shoulder and asked him about the reason he slept. It was a full minute before everyone realized the truth. The end has come, taking his life away and leaving that rich cup of coffee untouched…

Whispers

Photo taken by me @Waelboy

Whispers were her only friend. Whispers came to her every time she slept, begging her to wake up. Whispers came to her every time she woke up, pushed her out of bed. Whispers came to her every time she got up, driving her blindly to the window. Whispers were her only friend. Whispers only came to her, and only she obeyed them. She never understood the reasons that dragged her to the window. To stand still, contemplate the outside, focus on that window in the house facing hers.

That window was the center of her attention. The center of her attraction. The shelter of her buzzing thoughts. And, the destiny of her traveling sight. Away from that window, loneliness manipulated her, drove her back to stand still and contemplate that window. It was the feeling of someone on the other side, standing still, contemplating her window. It was the feeling of someone on the other side that mesmerized her thoughts, her feelings, and her heart.

No… No, no… It was not the window. It was that dark slide that captured her breaths. Hope lied there. Hope hid there. She was never lonely while invading that darkness with her eyes. It was hope that gave strength to her perishing heart. That slightly open window was the reason of her survival. One day, the last piece of her puzzled heart will take its place. Whoever was there, whoever hid behind that darkness was the reason of her whispers, the reason of her circulated life, and the reason of her moments going by.
She must not surrender. She must not let desperation grow in her heart. She must not strangle her life with a rope, connecting her to that window, to that darkness, and maybe to that fading away hope. And she must not… fade away.